Needs respite from 24/7 caregiving

Mary moved to Colorado 31/2 years ago to help care for her widowed mother. She moved in with her, and as her mother's medical condition has deteriorated, she has become the 24/7 caregiver with almost not time to herself. At this time, her mother is pretty much confined to a wheelchair and is doing very little self-care. Mary is feeling overwhelmed with the care and has no help except for a sister who occasionally helps. Her mother is showing dementia and getting along with her i often a challenge. Mary is reaching the breaking point and will need to look at other resources for taking care of her mother. Finances will also be a concern.

Previously Carol Anderson wrote:

Mary moved to Colorado 31/2 years ago to help care for her widowed mother. She moved in with her, and as her mother's medical condition has deteriorated, she has become the 24/7 caregiver with almost not time to herself. At this time, her mother is pretty much confined to a wheelchair and is doing very little self-care. Mary is feeling overwhelmed with the care and has no help except for a sister who occasionally helps. Her mother is showing dementia and getting along with her i often a challenge. Mary is reaching the breaking point and will need to look at other resources for taking care of her mother. Finances will also be a concern.

Hi Mary:  Have you contacted Lynette McGowan with regard to the caregiver support respite dollars available?  Admittedly, it's not much but you can use the money to hire a caregiver for a day or so or use it however you choose.  Also, Voluteers of America has a respite program where you can get several hours a week respite.  A volunteer is matched with your mother and you can set up scheduled visits which would give you some time during the week for yourself. 

Also, are there friends, family or church members who may be willing to schedule a weekly visit with your mom to give you respite?

Have you spoken to a counselor at Larimer County Human Services with regard to applying for Medicaid?  If resources are an issue your mom may qualify for home and community based services provided through the Medicaid program. 

Thank you for your openness and honesty, Mary.    Donna Brumbaugh, American Elder Advocates

Mary, I would also strongly recommend that you contact the local Alzheimer's Association ( 970-472-9798).  Their primary purpose is to support those caring for family members with dementia.  In addition to lots of good information and advice, they offer many different support groups where family members can share what they know about strategies and resources.  They offer groups in Loveland and Fort Collins and at different times to try to accommodate caregiver schedules.  It would certainly be reasonable to expect your sister to sit with your  mom while you go.  Even better to get someone else to be with her while you both go. They have one group dedicated to adult children caring for parents with dementia. Bonnie ShetlerLicensed Psychologist

Mary

Another thought would be to ask your sister to pay for respite care so you can leave your mother, say for 2 hours a day.  Some days that "leave" might just mean that you are in your room, doing what you want and someone else is tending to your Mom.  No one can care for anyone 24/7, nor should you be expected to.  What does your mother do when you leave the house to get groceries or to go to your own medical appointments?  Remember, only in taking care of yourself can you be of help to your mother!  Hang in there!

Kirsten Hartman

Seniors in Transition

Geriatric Care Manager