Caregiving

Caregiving for a spouse or an aging parent can be a stressful experience on many levels.  Additional physical, intellectual, financial demands are usually added to an already full plate of life responsibilities.

In addition, there are a few emotional aspects of caregiving that can contribute stress.

• The sadness of watching a parent or spouse become frail
• The grief associated with the prospect of losing a significant person in your life
• The sibling conflicts that sometimes arise among adult children as each tries to sort out his or her own feelings and responsibilities.
• The guilt over not doing enough to relieve pain and suffering.
• The sense of inadequacy that comes from trying to do a job that few of us are trained to do
• The sense of isolation
• The lack of time to adequately meet all commitments and responsibilities
• The questions that arise about one's own aging as it may be reflected in the experience of a frail or ill parent.

Caring for a frail, older family member is a unique experience. Under the right conditions, it can be a very loving, meaningful experience, but the caregiver rarely avoids confronting the difficulties attached to such a time consuming and emotionally demanding task.  Most caregivers need help, support, respite, understanding in order to avoid becoming emotionally burned out or physically incapacitated themselves.  Unfortunately many caregivers, especially women, grant their own needs a low priority.

The ultimate key to avoiding or overcoming caregiver stress is for the caregiver to first care for herself or himself:

• Take time every day for yourself. Make that time sacred, inviolate.
• Help friends and family understand what you need.
• Accept what you cannot do and focus on what you can do.
• Honor and acknowledge whatever feelings you experience.  Anger, sadness, resentment, helplessness, abandonment are all normal and healthy reactions.  Let them be.
• Do not give up activities that are enjoyable to you.
• Identify all caregiving resources available to you and use them. These may include immediate family, local and distant siblings, professional care services.
• Talk and listen.  To family members, friends, pastors, counselors, support groups.  Let people know how you are doing. Support groups are a good way to find out how others manage similar circumstances and to get good current medical information.

The Elder Care Network  maintains an online list of support groups which provide information and support to caregiving families. We also maintain a list of websites which provide information for caregivers.