Family Communication

I. Elements of good communication
II. Communication between generations
III. Communication between adult siblings
IV. Practical considerations with frail elders

III. Communication between adult siblings

Each child is raised in a different family
The first , middle and last birth order positions not only carry different assigned roles, but each child enters the family at a different stage in that family’s emotional, economic, and membership development. It is helpful to honor and accept the variety of family experience and meaning among siblings.

Each child experiences the loss of a parent differently
Not only does each child have a unique experience of the family, but at the particular time when parents need some assistance and support, each child is at a unique developmental stage in life. To have a parent become frail is an experience of loss that each person in the family will handle differently depending upon their emotional makeup as well as the current circumstances of his or her life.

Those old resentments and rivalries keep reappearing
Old sibling squabbles, like old pictures, are often hard on present communication. Often not easily resolved, they need to be released or at least set aside in the service of meeting parents’ needs.

There is almost always an ‘IT’ kid when a parent needs assistance
One child appointed as the primary decision maker is generally the most effective solution to the too many chefs syndrome. Usually this assignment is granted to the child most willing and most geographically and emotionally available.

A few items of advice to the designated child:

• Be very specific with your siblings about what you need from them and about your own limits.
  
  
• Keep siblings informed of your decisions and any changes in your parent’s status.
  
  
• Let go of expectations. They lead to disappointment and resentment. Best to make allowances and assume that each child is doing what they can do at the moment.
  
  
• A parent on the phone often sounds much healthier and happier than when seen daily face-to-face . Your long distance siblings may easily acquire a more benign view of your parents’ status than you have. It may seem as though you are never really talking about the same thing when discussing your parents’ affairs.
  
  
• Beyond all the work, stress and frustration of being the primary caregiver, you also have a unique opportunity to develop a special relationship with a parent entering the last and arguably most the important stage of life.

 Part II

Part IV